Behavior... the things we say and do. This is the next piece of the puzzle I want to blog about. Have you ever found that when you are not adapting well to a change, your behavior has got you into some kind of trouble? For example, ever been in a "change situation" where you thought your co-workers could benefit from your infinite wisdom and knowledge? So you get heavy and lay it on them. Then you can't understand why they just can't seem to grasp the gold nuggets you left for them.  But it sure felt good giving them a piece of your mind didn't it! 

Our thoughts and beliefs tend to manifest in our behaviors. So when we have negative thoughts and beliefs about a change (whatever "it" is) - the likelihood of those thoughts playing out in our behavior is pretty good. Those behaviors have consequences. Some of which, you might not like.  Like being excluded from upcoming activities, or being avoided. "One-upping" your colleague, or being a little sarcastic, or talking behind someone's back might feel good at the time - but in the grand scheme, it doesn't help change the change. As we re-frame our negative thoughts and beliefs during times of change, we also need to plan for positive behaviors that will move toward the goal. The next step is to set up encouraging consequences to sustain those "new" behaviors. Consequences - the next piece of the puzzle :)

The puzzle is a great metaphor for change. Julie Smith (www.ChangePartner.com) uses the puzzle to describe the 5 action steps to navigate through change. The pieces may not always fit together smoothly as we know all to well. This post covers the two pieces of the puzzle that address resistance to change: 
 
1. Your Feelings about the change. It is important to acknowledge the feelings that are locking you up and keeping you from moving forward before you can even think of putting the rest of the puzzle to work. The Heath brothers (of Switch) also acknowledge that you have to care for the elephant (their metaphor for our feelings) before we can make progress. During a change, we can experience a wide variety of feelings: anger, resentment, embarrassment - all of which can "lock us up" and keep us from moving forward. We can also experience positive feelings about the change: happy, enthusiastic, etc... In most cases, we  have mixed feelings about a change. Focus on the positive ones and use them as your leverage.  Most of us don't really like talking about our feelings, but it is important to share them with someone we trust in order to get through the change. Step number one: Write them down! Really. You need to acknowledge your feelings. 

2. Your thoughts and beliefs about the change. The next step to managing your own resistance to a change is to recognize the thoughts and beliefs you are having about it which are "locking you up."  Try to re-frame your negative thoughts and beliefs about the change to something positive. Words like: "I am stuck," "this will never work," or - "I don't believe...." are thoughts that are negative and will keep you locked. During a seminar I once heard a participant say: "This company continually keeps asking me to do more with less." Not a very positive outlook eh? So I asked him to "play along" with me and try to re-frame the thought to something more positive. After a minute or so, he responded: "Even though I am working harder, I am picking up some new skills that will help me advance in my job." For him, this was an emotional breakthrough! Why is re-framing your thoughts so important?  Eventually, your negative thoughts and beliefs will manifest in your behavior... and that could get you into big trouble.  I'll talk about behavior the next time :)